For days I have a knot in my stomach. It was time and thought would never come. This week is ultimately going to change timetables to match the return to work the next day 2. New Year, return to routine daily.
When I gave birth I thought I had many months to go to be with Antonio. Iban passing day and still seemed very far away I joined. But it is here. This week is another week but this week the finished work.
know it's silly but it is making me going back uphill. We've done a thousand numbers and shuffling thousands of possibilities to stay more at home a little while, but the economy is impossible and further work is needed.
I imagine that this moment is difficult for all moms and dads, as well as many are not as fortunate as us that both John and I have a schedule half the day to enjoy the child, Antonio will also be with the family, now so small there is no need to get up so early to go to daycare, because John rotating shift and will keep the little one week and the following with grandparents. I know I've enjoyed my little 6 months when some moms have to separate at 16 weeks.
All that we are and who is still foolish to be this sad, but still I can not help thinking that for a few hours I will not be with him, that although he wants to "tit" will not be able to be I will not be able to sniff, touch, cuddly, that I might miss some important moment, or a smile Special ,.... in the end this nonsense that moms make us drool.
these feelings with my Mother ask me how much they've changed over the years, what makes you change the circumstances of life. always said I did not want children (even now as I think most times it was told in a way not to address my problem) and I've struggled and cried for not be able to take.
For years when everyone was wondering if they could look like a weirdo "but he has no license?" said I was scared to drive and also not nenesitaba so I never would take the card and now here have me routing the seventh class of car.
many times talking to my mother I said I admired her for taking care of us for years and his work as a housewife, but I never stop working to stay home and now is what most would like to keep my small Home, home, homemaker.
While it is true that I do not want to stay forever, because I know that my character would take a little bad, but if one more year until the small and larger outside and begin kindergarten.
Maybe all the feeling for the small separation is necessary to add all these fears that always surround me with a change (I'm Capricorn and we're pretty squared and we need it all controladito, controladito). The fear that the child engages well with the meal: And if you have more hunger and need your chest? What if I only want to tit? What if ....? What if ....?. Fear cope quite well with the times, did we get along John and me? How are we going?. Well what ever happens to me a change.
While it is not more fully enjoy these days and end a year that has been the best of my life with the birth of my son and wait and hope that the coming year is at least as this to end.
Who knows maybe we started the year with a stroke of luck and we like a pinch El Niño, although as you can not trust that will assume the return to daily routine and gradually this pinch in the stomach will disappear.
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